I’ve been traveling for five months, and it’s been the most incredible experience thus far yet I don’t know what I’m looking for, there’s something I’m looking for, but I don’t know what it is.
Isn’t it interesting how that works…
I’m emotional, tonight.
Knowing that there is so much mystery to this whole existence, knowing that everything has a connection to this source of energy, GOD. That which everything lives through and there is a harmony and energy in life that connects all things; I know for sure in my heart.
Though, I want to experience all of it, all I am and all that is within me.
Honestly, I don’t even know how it would look like or feel.
But I don’t want to read about it; I don’t want to be told about it, because it’s something that can’t be read, it can’t be understood, it has to be experienced. Felt at the most visceral levels, but how?
I don’t know what I’m searching for, but I know I’m searching…
There is so much I don’t know, and I refuse to pretend I know.
I’ve been mastering my heart center for many years now. I live from the heart; I’ve felt my way through life, for most of it. I don’t want to pretend I have all or any answers because the truth is I don’t. I’m living in this human experience the best I know how to, and I share what I understand as correct through my own experiences. But I’m ready for something more significant, something miraculous within myself…
I feel like an old loop, repeating the same things; knowing the same things.
Which of course, are of value and there is much wisdom in the experiences I’ve gained, and understanding of my spiritual journey. But there is so much I’m painfully unaware of and don’t know. There is in infinite wisdom deep inside me I have yet to access. The price of admission is high. Every action I take will cost.
And here I am.
Not knowing “WHY” I am even writing or what I’m writing as I move my fingers across this keyboard.
I’m merely trying to translate these feelings that are swirling in and around me, that is filling me up right now. That has me emotional.
It’s an energy.
Its alive and it’s moving all throughout my body.
It’s filling up my chest, and the feeling of wanting to cry is coming forth.
There’s intense energy within.
The tears are here, but they are not tears of sadness nor joy I can’t quite describe it.
Perhaps there is no need to try and describe it.
They just are.
Perhaps there is no need to try and describe it…
We live our whole lives trying to describe and explain things, rarely ever allowing things to be what they are.
As much destruction as there is in the world, there is much seen and even more hidden beauty that exists, but we are too blind to see it, too numb to feel it.
There is a much more profound language that the Universe speaks, many would say it’s love, and I believe it is. But it’s a love most of us can’t fully grasp. Many of us have never experienced the most unadulterated form of love. Love that is alive, it exists in everything, it’s an ineffable love of pure consciousness. Only a deep knowledge is necessary, and that knowing brings deep compassion and respect for all things and all beings.
I want to live in this world, but not be of it.
I want to live as my spiritual being having a temporary human experience.
GOD, my Angel. Why am I searching so profoundly? What is my obligation?
I’ve come so far in my human experience, in genuinely loving and accepting myself, and I believe it’s the most significant gift I could have given to my human self to love myself as I do; to know my heart in the purest form. I’ve looked into it; there’s still much innocence living inside my heart. There is a well of love residing within me, and I love it. But again, there is something my soul requires.
Perhaps its YOU, a closer YOU, and I know the closest I can get to you is through me. There is another level within I know I haven’t reached yet, and I won’t find it out in the world, nor listening to others advice.
There is an abundance of spiritual conversations in the modern world, which is a beautiful thing, and I’m ecstatic to see people seeking and looking…
But somewhere along the path, you start to think you’ve got it all figured out, so much information out there, so many people saying the same things; including myself and these philosophies and spiritual practices provide value.
But how can I convey what I’m trying to express?
I must unlearn everything I think I know right now. I want to know nothing. Sometimes too much knowledge does more harm than good.
The more you think you know, the less you know.
I surrender to you.
I surrender to my higher self.
I wish to know but to know; I have to know that I do not know.
I’ve encountered a plateau within myself, I’ve known this for a while now, and its part of the inner journey, I’ve been experiencing. Others believe I seem wise, but I know there is much more, I have not reached the deepest part of myself. I’m not writing to appease anyone. Writing is for me to let go and allow whatever comes through, despite if it makes sense or it doesn’t.
My angel, you know how I feel and what I’m trying to express, even when I’m uncertain. Look inside me, touch me, and help me understand what I can’t fathom. Remove the knowledge so that I may become an empty space. A space that’s filled with the new, the unknown.
There is something that is waiting for me I feel it, I can’t explain it, but there is something on the horizon, and I am ready to accept it.
I let go of all which I think I know.
I free myself from all knowledge, from all the thinking of what I think I should know & know. I let it go.
I open myself to receive all I am meant to receive.
I am empty, I am empty, I am empty space.
Space in between space… That I AM.
Now, I’d love to hear from you.
When do you realize it’s time to renew your spirit?
What makes you feel empty and reinvigorated?
How do you manage the pain of feeling empty?
Please, leave some comments below. Understand none of us are on this journey alone. We are here to support each other and rise higher!