Dear Inner World,
Today is an interesting day of emotions. I’m sad inside because the reality of the end of my relationship has come to fruition and today J officially moves back to his hometown. And though my heart and soul understands that everything is okay and working out the way it is intended, I still can’t help but be a little sad inside knowing we had two great years together. Yet now the real process of my transformation starts. I need to start making some changes to my home so that it can feel different by changing the old energies of us and make room for new experiences.
Today I saw him as he came by the house to pick up the remainder of his stuff. I was not able to spend a lot of time saying goodbye to him because I was getting ready to head out to my meditation class. At one point when I expressed to him that I love him and that all will be well. His response was “I hope so” a part of me observed that his reaction might have come from the fact that he didn’t see me break down, that I was calm and centered- although we both knew this was the end of our journey together. If I am honest, with myself the reason I feel sadder has more to do with that fact that I don’t want him to feel as if I don’t love or care for him; I just am trying to grow, to see and experience things from my Higher Self. Which means having less attachment to feelings that can cloud my judgment.
So the fact that I didn’t show emotion by way of tears or an outburst of feelings doesn’t mean I love him any less. It is me coming to terms and accepting what is real, without losing myself in my thoughts and emotions that want me to wallow in sorrow.
Although I know, I can’t take responsibilities for his feeling or how he processes things. It’s still hard for me because it is who I’ve allowed myself to become for so long. I’m always trying to help others, wanting them not to hurt or wanting them to understand and experience things from a higher place, but I now recognize that it is NOT my job to take that on.
Everyone is doing the best they can at their level of existence, and I need to not worry about how people experience things. I have NO control over their thoughts or emotional process. But I do have control over mine and as long as I live and come from a place of truth and love all will be well.
I love him very much and hope he finds his way to fully become awaken if that is what he chooses for himself. I would like to see him in the future living out all his dreams and desires with joy, clarity, a knowing, and peace. I wish and send him all the LOVE and LIGHT his way. I hope that we can look back one day at this very moment and say we did it-our time spent together was incredible and our journey together coming to an end meant great things, significant change and happiness for the both of us. To look back in time and be able to say “We did it”, we remained loving and realized that this happening was the best thing that could have happened to us, even when couldn’t quite see it at the moment.
To look back and use this experience to help us deal with other future changes that may be unwelcome at that moment and remember this day how everything worked out perfectly the way it was intended even though at the moment we couldn’t understand the how.
Today is the first day of my transformation taking off, thank you my Angel for bringing this man into my life in a time when we both really needed each other. He is a beautiful soul and reminds his Angel to continue to speak to him every day, until he awakes to his inner power…
Welcome change in your life any change, do not resist it!
CHANGE is the only constants