“TO HAVE FAITH IS TO TRUST YOURSELF TO THE WATER. WHEN YOU SWIM YOU DON’T GRAB HOLD OF THE WATER, BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU WILL SINK AND DROWN. INSTEAD YOU RELAX, AND FLOAT.” -ALAN WATTS
Written on August 2016
I’ve been completely off social media now for about eight months. I took a break from the social world to refocus my energy into my day to day life and live more presently in it. A lot of things have changed for me since I returned from traveling the “world” for a little over a year.
In fact, the real inner journey started the moment I returned home. I experienced a lot of emotional ups and downs because I was forced to face aspects of myself that I had been unwilling to face before. But eventually with a little help I stopped resisting and I began to surrender and that eventually created sufficient energy to shift my external reality…
What do I mean by that?
Well, after I having traveled overseas for a little over a year visiting (11 countries and over 22 cities), I ended up moving back to Miami and that was a hard adjustment because I wanted nothing more than to not be in Miami.
Just imagine for a moment, being in a different country and/or city every couple of weeks. You’re on the constant move, always seining something new, meeting new people, living moment to moment without any responsibility. To all of sudden having to be still, in one place, and that place happens to not only be the state you grew up in and don’t like, but now you find yourself living back at your parents house after being on your own for seven years.
You now have to start all over again. At least that is what it feels like, at the moment…
However, the truth is you’re not really starting over. But you are building from the ground up again, only now it’s on a new level – even if it doesn’t quite appear that way.
I had so many mixed emotions after returning home from my travels-I felt like a failure. I had no idea what I was going to do with myself or rather what I wanted to do. Eventually after a month of mopping around and feeling sad, I started to surrender to my emotions. And with the help of a friend and my spirit guides, they taught me that if anything was to change- I first needed to accept where I was and what I was feeling. Then I would have to surrender to it.
See, what often happens we aren’t happy with where we find ourselves, when we want things to change in our lives. We’ll get trapped in our minds and fall into a self-pity cycle because we are unable to accept a situation or circumstances in our life. We will continue to focus on not wanting to be where we are, without realizing that is the very thing, that is keeping us there.
I learned that self pity not only impedes the progress you can make in life, but it creates self-destructive cycles of self-sabotage. When you’re too busy mulling over your problems constantly, feeling depressed, feeling like a victim- you are self indulging in pity. Which won’t allow you to see beyond where you are, now.
I learned that if I wanted things in my life to change, then, I needed to feel different about myself and my situation. That meant, I would need to generate new emotions that didn’t include self pity; if I expected things in my life to start changing. (Remember that e-motions translates into energy in motion, it is the state of our emotions that directly affects the reality we experience.)
So I started to generate new emotions by no longer resisting what I was feeling. I stopped fighting against it and began to accept that my resistance was actually part of my lesson to acceptance- that I was exactly where I needed to be.
As I surrender to it all; to my emotions, to being where I needed to be. I then had to trust that if I was there it was for a reason, even if I didn’t understand the ‘how’ I would get to where I wanted to be from where I was.
Acceptance + Surrender = Trust
As I started to let go I began to feel a little better, each day. Instead of feeling sad, I started to feel indifferent. I felt less emotional and soon peace started to creep back in. Within a few weeks hope had arrived; allowing me to see a new perspective that would help me to take action in different ways, rather then mop around the house feeling sorry for myself. Energy is what brings about change and if you want to create energy then you need to move.
WHAT SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE HELPED ME TO TAKE ACTION?
Well, one of the perspectives that changed for me, was the way I was thinking about getting a job. At first, the thought of getting a job made me cringe, for several reasons. But I’ll share with you the two reasons that stand out the most.
When I thought about it, I didn’t’ want to get just ‘any job’, because after all I use to work for “Bacardi-Grey Goose” (that was my ego talking) and at the same time I wasn’t ready to get back into the corporate world nor jump into a career type of job without really knowing what direction I wanted to go in my life. So you could see how having these two perspectives, could make you feel stuck. Like WTF do I do?
But as I surrender to this internal dilemma, I started to look at it in a new way and as a result my internal dialogue changed– I told myself that I didn’t really need a job right now, I wanted a job but I didn’t need a one. I had no bills to pay at the moment, no expenses and that opened me up to consider different jobs, that perviously I might have not considered due to my ego and thinking patterns. I started to look at jobs as wouldn’t it be fun to try this and at the same time used it as it teaching opportunity to humble myself again.
Before I knew it, I had decided to apply at Macy’s for a retail sales position. Because why not? Sure it only paid $9.00 an hour but I thought it would be fun, plus a great way to interact with new people and try something I hadn’t done before. Sure enough I got the job and it was fun while it lasted. I worked there for 3 weeks before another opportunity presented itself…
My brother asked me to work in NYC for a month or two to help him with his company, doing property preservation. Look at what a shift in perspective had already created for me, it created change. By putting my self-pity, ego aside and applying for the Macy’s job- it created a new opportunity for me that had me travel once more and receive a little bit of pay increase, I went from $9.00 to $10.00 (hahaha). I worked in New York for my brother for about month in half, cleaning houses.
At this point, I had been humbled enough to the point I had surrender to the idea of me living in Miami. Which now meant I needed to create some actual stability for myself, regardless of whether I would stay there long term or not. I needed to make more money to purchase a car especially if I was going to feel independent again. Therefore I decided that when I got back to Miami I would apply at 27 (a restaurant) as cocktail waitress. I heard about this restaurant being a hot spot yet different from Miami’s typical scene. It wasn’t pretentious, it had a more laid back vintage/ spiritual vibe. And this way I could make faster cash + the environment would blend well with me.
Sure enough, I applied for the job and got it right away. I ended up working there for about 2 months but only because a new opportunity presented itself and that was to work for an Overseas Travel Agency as Event Project Manager, making now 60k a year, with an assistant and I would get to travel. At that point, it made sense for me. Even though originally I didn’t want to get into a career type of job, but this job found me. And it happen to be in a field that I was newly interested in “travel”, being that I had done that for over a year. I thought it was the prefect job where I could really start to make a life for myself again.
Look at all the changes that occurred in a matter of months, once I accepted and surrender to my circumstances. But wait I’m not done there is more change that occurred, really amazing change!!! You are going to want to read this…
The morning I was suppose to start my new job, the CEO had me go in that day at noon instead of the usual 8:00 am clock in. So that morning I decided to stop into this healthy place called Juice and Java for breakfast. It was 8:00am and the place had just opened, there was no one there expect for one man who was sitting there eating and using his phone. As I was walking out of the restaurant the man quickly proceeds to leave and as I’m walking towards my car he stops me. And ti fast forward the story the man I met there, that morning, turned out to be my now husband. How incredibly wild is that!
And the synchronicity about our meeting is that I wouldn’t have been able to have breakfast at that place again, at least not while I was working at my new job. Because it required me arrive at work between 7:30-8:00am. So here I am, I get this new job/career and simultaneously I meet the man of my dreams (which of course at the time I didn’t know he was. In fact, I actually ignored him for about a week or more not intentionally, I was working 12-13 hour days and my priority had changed.)
It blows my mind to see the Universe at work, to experience it and then to have the awareness to realize that when we get out of our way, the things we really want are waiting for us. But you first have to get there and that means you need to move ( movement creates energy) it might also require you to change how your thinking about something.
The journey I had of having to deal with my emotions, humbling myself and accepting that I needed to be in Miami, now in retrospect it makes total sense. I was suppose to meet my husband in Miami and the whole time I was trying to leave but the Universe wouldn’t let me, it forced me to deal with where I was and I’m so glad I did because it brought me to exactly where I wanted to be.
So fast forward to now. I eventually quit my job due to the crazy demanding hours and all the new changes happening in my personal life. I got in engaged in February 2016 and married in September 2016. We moved from Miami to Michigan and now I’m dabbling in real estate investments and management with my partner. I feel more grounded then ever before. I’ve grown so much in a short time more then I have in the last few years. I’m happy, at peace and oh yea so in love. I can’t believe that I finally found my Penguin…
As you can see a lot has changed for me and I felt inspired to share some of these changes with you to remind you, to be okay with where you are. Don’t get caught in the self-pity cycle, it will only contribute more to where you don’t want to be.
If you are unhappy with something in your life right now, start by accepting how you feel and accepting what is. Then let go, surrender to it, surrender to your fears, be okay with feeling shitty right now, be okay with whatever is coming your way. Then you’ll be able to start looking at your situation differently, with new eyes, in a way that will cause you to move into action and create CHANGE.